Comedic Therapy Pillows

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I guess I'll never understand women."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"5 second rule!"

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

Flying Ear Specialist

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

"This internship is humiliating."

Baldo suggests getting a frying pan for his tia and she hits him in the head with it.

"Anesthesia? We'd prefer not to risk adding to the drug epidemic, so just bite down on this stick."

"Could I do this with an imaginary friend?"

"Don't leave! We haven't tried marriage yet!"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I posted dozens of cat pictures on social media to meet women. Then one dated me and ran off with my cat."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'