Comedic Care Pillows

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

Caution. Slippery when wet.

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"It's only until the gas prices go down and I can afford to drive the car again. Maybe you should have an ambulance follow me."

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'The pain in my head always seems to subside when I flush your bills down the toilet!'

"Whisky? Have you got anything stronger?"

'He's lookin' at me!'

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I guess I'll never understand women."

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

"5 second rule!"

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

Flying Ear Specialist

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

"This internship is humiliating."

I hate to tell you this, but that's a can of maple syrup, not motor oil.

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

Baldo suggests getting a frying pan for his tia and she hits him in the head with it.

"Anesthesia? We'd prefer not to risk adding to the drug epidemic, so just bite down on this stick."