Comedic Counsellors Pillows

'We offer counselling for customers with gearbox issues.'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Caution. Slippery when wet.

Excommunicate Me.

Counselling Cash.

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"You're everyman? But I thought I was everyman."

Self Storage Unit

"Wow, souls seem a lot heavier lately"

"I find it helps to imagine Go as some kind of divine creator."

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

'My good memory is a curse: There are things I would like to forget...'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

Free Associating.

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

'Still saving money to finish that nose job eh?'

'Ignore me, it's just my nut allergy.'

'I chase women, but only to tell them about investment opportunities.'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"When I said I wanted closure, this is not what I had in mind!"

Men telling stories

"There's a smidgen of Charlie Rose about you."

"Father, this past election has caused my faith to crumble." "Join the club."

'So you're having visions and hearing voices - I'd say you're either really really mad or really really religious.'