Comedic Patient Gifts

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

"The video of you giving that big bloke a piece of your mind has gone viral!"

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'Good news hon' ! It's nothing serious! The doctor said it's just a simple case of Tennis Elbow!'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Flying Ear Specialist

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

Huddling Lampposts

'Arnold is a little nervous about meeting you, dad.'

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

"Ashley wanted to play doctor, but I'm trying to stay out of the health care debate."

'You're not sucking. You're playing.'

NHS Downloads.

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

"I'm in debt up to my eyes. Only my hat is paid for!"