Comedic Ailment Sufferer Gifts

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"Who's got the hammer?"

Man with fishing line going into water. Fishing line coming down from sky.

Breast Height Chart

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

'The guys say that the stripper won't be available before our wedding...would you mind if I had my bachelor party after the honeymoon?'

Insecurities of the Bald Eagle.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

"Haven't you a small one that would fit into a soldier's pack?"

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

'I used to trade in futures until I learned the planet doesn't have one.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Alright, alright. I had a hard day fighting crime. No need to get smart about it.'

'Good news hon' ! It's nothing serious! The doctor said it's just a simple case of Tennis Elbow!'

'Cool it with the herbal shampoo -- you've got aphids.'

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

Cat doctor to cat patient sitting on exam table 'All I'm saying is liposuction won't help if you don't lay off the tuna smoothies.'

'Do you have to do that every time?'

'... and then he slammed the door in my face...'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Pirate Paddle Boat.

"You keep him busy while I go for help."

"5 second rule!"

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"That's it - we've eaten the last of the energy bills."