Comedic Dental Patient Gifts

'Not so fast, when I said open wide I meant your wallet.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"5 second rule!"

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

'I take it you're not into catch-and-release yet, eh Ben?'

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

Open Wide The Dentist's View.

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

With more and more graduates defaulting on college loans, many loan companies have hired undercover hecklers!

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

I don't let the dentist use painkillers. I transcend dental medication.

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

'That parrot is really repeating on me.'