Comedic Pet Owner Gifts

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Separation anxiety."

Balloon dog fouling path,

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

'That parrot is really repeating on me.'

'Polly wants a T-bone steak.'

'Hey, knucklehead! You're standing on my tale!'

Schrodinger's cat-box

'Fetch.'

Biofelineism

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

Santa Claws...

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'Holy S**t!'

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

If you think your pony is ailing.

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."

"We're in for the night."