Comedic Pet Caretaker Gifts

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'Just as I feared! It's ringworm! You'll have to give up the kids!'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

'Fetch.'

'Shoot, this is nothing, you should have seen how good we had it back in ancient Egypt.'

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

'They sure have small litters.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

With Wally the hermit crab showing no signs of life, Shirley yields to her kids' pleas and performs mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Dog Food

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

Dog wearing a cone around his waist: 'Hemorrhoids.'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"Yes, it is a beautiful day but what makes you think you can go outside and play?"

'In ancient Egypt, cats were treated like gods and in this house, it's pretty much the same: Come in friend...'

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"Tom, did you forget to feed the pets tonight?"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'Go ahead, open it. It's a ball.'

'Do you have to do that every time?'

He Did It!

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

"I'm prescribing a placebo. You'll have to explain to him that it's really working."

'I feel ridiculous!'

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

"We'll be back Monday. Feed the cats, water the plants and ask for one-forty-two-five."

"My nose isn't wet and runny I think I'm getting a cold."

"Has anyone fed the goldfish?"