Comedic Dog Caretaker Gifts

'This is my primary place of doing business, although I do sometimes do it on my neighbor's lawn.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

He Did It!

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

'I'm sorry, we did all we could, but she had a severe case of curiosity.'

'Well, it wasn't me.'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Holy S**t!'

"He's busy exercising the goldfish at the moment.

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

"We're in for the night."

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

Free Range Cow

"It's finally fur coat weather."

"Well, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell him he's not a lap dog!"

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'