Comedic Canine Handler Gifts

He Did It!

"Well, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell him he's not a lap dog!"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"He did it!"

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'Do you have to do that every time?'

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

'You wish, Timmy.'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'Holy S**t!'

"It's finally fur coat weather."

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'