Comedic Canine Gifts

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

"The applications are limitless."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

Santa Claws...

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

The Rolling Bones

He Did It!

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'Do you have to do that every time?'

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

Brenda lost not only the egg toss, but something much, much more.

'You wish, Timmy.'

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Holy S**t!'

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

"We're in for the night."

"Well, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell him he's not a lap dog!"

'He's a nice guy, but he doesn't bite, if you know what I mean.'

"It's finally fur coat weather."

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

If you think your pony is ailing.

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

Rockwell School (Dog disguised as pupil).