Comedic Dog Owner Gifts

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Fetch.'

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

Santa Claws...

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

He Did It!

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

'You wish, Timmy.'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Holy S**t!'

"We're in for the night."

If you think your pony is ailing.

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

"It's finally fur coat weather."

Free Range Cow

"Well, you'll just have to put your foot down and tell him he's not a lap dog!"