Comedic Dog Owner Gifts

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Fetch.'

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

Santa Claws...

He Did It!

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"You're not a bad dog for driving. You're a bad dog for not wearing a seat belt."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

'You wish, Timmy.'

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'Holy S**t!'

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."

If you think your pony is ailing.

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

"It's finally fur coat weather."

Free Range Cow

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

"We're in for the night."

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"