Comedic Pet Parent Gifts

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

Free Range Cow

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Fetch.'

'I foresee a few more months of creating havoc without consequences, and then, yes, I see the 'cute' factor will start to wear thin...'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"It's only the wind."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

They Removed my Brain.

Inside voice!

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

'Do you have to do that every time?'

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

For Heavens sake - don't let your pet watch manga cartoons on TV anymore!

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

Non-working dog, please help

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

Meals on Heels.

A British policeman looking for a black cat who is in the hedge behind him.

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

'He has so much stuff, toys and gadgets so now we punish him by sending him to our room.'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'I think you may have over done the pelvic floor exercise!'

"We're in for the night."

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."