Comedic Parenting Struggles Gifts

They Removed my Brain.

'You aren't very good with children, are you Dad?'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Fetch.'

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

Pregnant man: 'My water just broke! False alarm. Just spilled my brewski.'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

Inside voice!

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

'Your dinner's in the microwave.'

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

'And this is the person who will feed you, clothe you and pay for your education.'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

'Don't worry about me, mom, I'll be fine as long as you keep working!'

'Oh, for heaven's sake. Ethan's having another growth spurt.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

Meals on Heels.

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

"I dunno. It just doesn't "feel" like a diaper."

'Are you crazy! The nest is made of dry grass and twigs: Smoking is a massive fire harzard!'

'He has so much stuff, toys and gadgets so now we punish him by sending him to our room.'

"Dad, I need some help - what's 4 x 4?"

'Dads On Steroids' Dad swung his child through fence accidentally.

'I think you may have over done the pelvic floor exercise!'

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."