Comedically Inclined Parent Gifts

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'Fetch.'

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies: 'Feeding'

"If she's a write off can you let me know the scrap value?"

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'Mom, what setting do you use for warming up slippers?'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'The good news is we were able to remove the homework from his stomach. The bad news is, your kid can't write worth a damn.'

"How many more times, you've got hayfever, so no, you can't have any cannabis oil."

"I'm doing just fine ??" as long as no one decides to do a background check."

They Removed my Brain.

"And then it hit me—I'm sleeping with my mother."

"What fly?"

"I don't care what Siri said. Wheaty Puffs are good for you, so eat them up."

Inside voice!

"Dad, I'm playing the role of the husband in our school play!"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"It's time to end the suffering."

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'You reckon your Pram' will do 'nought to four miles per hour in ten seconds'...I wasn't born yesterday, you know!'

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

'And this is the person who will feed you, clothe you and pay for your education.'

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

Clown has hit wife with custard pie. Marriage guidance counsellor says: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'Dang! The water's expired.' (Spring Water).

Clown Firing Squad.