Comedic Pet Owners Gifts

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

Cat gets drunk from wine spilling into his food bowl.

"Martha, throw away the Pooper Scooper!"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

'Fetch.'

"Why can't you just dig things up like normal dogs?"

Man wearing T-Shirt saying 'Dog's Best Friend'

"I think what he's trying to tell you, dear, is that he doesn't quite care for the cheaper dog food!"

Santa Claws...

"Do you prefer lavender scent or strawberry?"

"I know I said, 'If there's anything I can do,' but I draw the line on licking your incision for you."

The Rolling Bones

'Do you have to do that every time?'

"Oh, God, am I housebroken."

'You look lovely, but we need to lengthen your train a bit...'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"Pet peeves" "I fear the cat." "I fear the cat" "I fear the cat." "Fecced me."

"I only know 'Sit' and 'Stay.' "

'Pointless Pets: A ceramic tiled giraffe.'

"That reminds me - it's about time to feed the little fella."

'You think one is tough, try raising two!'

' Emergency Pet Hospital? My Basset Hound got into my husband's Viagara...'

'Not me...I'm watching my cholesterol!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'There's no evidence use of steroids will improve dog show performance.'

'Holy S**t!'

"We're in for the night."

'Whoa! Slow down, kids! Your mom will neuter me if I bring you home with stomachaches from eating too much of that junk.'

Free Range Cow

"My owner's been teaching me how to beg. . . I've made £30 today!"

"I wish you had a convenient carrying handle."

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

"It's finally fur coat weather."

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

'What am I blind, Bob?'