Comedic Patient Pillows

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

I've hidden your clothes until you pay your last bill.

Mr. Fusco, I'm going to refer you to a good ear, nose, throat and exclamation-point doctor. !!

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

"The video of you giving that big bloke a piece of your mind has gone viral!"

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Good news hon' ! It's nothing serious! The doctor said it's just a simple case of Tennis Elbow!'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

'He's lookin' at me!'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"5 second rule!"

'Hi Honey! I wanted to thank you for taking the baby to day care this morning!'

Flying Ear Specialist

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

'I got the idea from a veterinarian friend of mine.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

'...You are on a waiting list to be ill.'

'Let's keep this simple - what part of you doesn't hurt?'

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Doctor! This is not the time for the 'pull my finger' gag!"

'Arnold is a little nervous about meeting you, dad.'

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

Huddling Lampposts

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."