Comedically Concerned Pillows

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

'Are you crazy! The nest is made of dry grass and twigs: Smoking is a massive fire harzard!'

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."