Comedically Cautious Pillows

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

"I did warn you there might be some side effects."

'Come on, I know you're in there.'

'Don't worry Honey there isn't anyone for miles!'

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

Worry tank

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Please don't kill me."

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

"What fly?"

Geekasaurus.

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"It's time to end the suffering."

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

Rule #1. Of what? HYPOCHONDRIACS HANDBOOK. A little passion project I'm working on; or, rather, I would be working on. I can't write or type wearing my protective anti-flu gear. Rule #1: Get some loser to take dictation for you. I hate where this is heading.

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

"5 second rule!"

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'