Comedically Cautious Gifts

"I did warn you there might be some side effects."

'Come on, I know you're in there.'

'Don't worry Honey there isn't anyone for miles!'

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

Worry tank

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Please don't kill me."

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"Now, now, relax. All you're gonna feel is a quick jab."

Geekasaurus.

"What fly?"

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

'We'll have a bed for you in a couple of days.'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

Clown Firing Squad.

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'Stop biting your nails son and get to sleep!'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

'No appointments are available for the next three months, but you can always call in to the doctor's talk show.'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.