Comedic Caution Gifts

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"The first week back is always the hardest"

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'I hope we don't start getting competition from redundant bankers homes.'

Fisherman Funneral

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

Mortified that her hospital gown did not close all the way in the back...

'You misunderstand, squire. All I do is guarantee that my cars are USED!'

With Friends Like These

"Try to remember to flex your ankles and if possible walk up and down the room."

'Are you crazy! The nest is made of dry grass and twigs: Smoking is a massive fire harzard!'

Unhappy Cows from neighboring states visit California.

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

"We haven't been married long enough for you to reprimand my dog."

Government a la Carte

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

"Connect the dots"

'I've got it in pill form, but for really fast relief from panic attacks...'

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

'Speak up!'

'Listen up, folks! The President is feeling a lot of pain today, so please put a little extra into your groveling!'

'I do love you, but anything you say, ever, will be remembered and may be used in evidence against you.'

'I think I'm seeing double again!'

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

"Of course it's a bad report. I have your genes to contend with!"

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"What were his last words?"