Comedically Carefree Gifts

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

"Think of it as a big puddle."

"To be or not to be."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"...then finally, I got serious and started a band."

Enjoying a picnic at the rugby ground

Is your glass half full or half empty? Who cares, fill her up!

Running

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

"So you dreamed you were an adult?"

Whatever!

"That's the deep end."

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

'We've been tailgating so long, I think we might be homeless.'

'Dude, I got the rest of the day off, so I'll be able to go riding after all!'

'My socks don't match, but neither me nor my socks care.'

"You and your lists! You're missing out on life."

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

There are many potent chemicals on the market...but private theories are often prefered.

"This is where I come to unwind."

"They grow up so slow."

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

'Now this how you handle the end of summer...'