Comedically Challenged Pillows

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

Chuckie's test results come back negative.

"..Fuses are in small drawer...what do they look like and where do they go?"

"Your tired eyes are red and irritated because you put sleeping medicine in them. That's not how it works, Mr. Jenkins."

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

"What fly?"

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

"It's time to end the suffering."

'I'm beginning to see some change in you.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

"5 second rule!"

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

'Let's just say, if you were meat, you'd be way past your 'best before' date!'

"The president wants me to stay on as unemployed."

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

"Four out of five doctors recommend that you get up and get some exercise."

Man falling off bike at finish line.

"O.K. Which one of you worried well is the most worried?"

The Big Nosh

Enlightenment sounds okay, but I've decided to go with willful ignorance instead!

Employment Office. You're still only finding temporary jobs? Yeah, my income stream is not continuously flowing and it never reaches flood stage.

The result of taking too much soda to correct acidity

You can't have everything darling, where would you put it?