Comedically Competitive Pillows

Thirty-two. Pardon? The number of babes I've necked with this summer. Thirty-two. Twenty-nine if you count sisters only once 'cause they're in the same family. You hate me. I hate you!!!

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

The Victors

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

The rocket powered skiier

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

Ratminton

The Alpha Seltzer

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

The First Annual Game Show Week.

"Eat my dust!"

'You must be fast, agile and unflappable! Having fun just got serious ponies....welcome to gymkhana!

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

I think this interleague play is getting out of hand.

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Trojan Hurdler.

Danger Slow Sand.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'