Comedically Competitive Gifts

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

The Victors

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

'He went in for the Worst Singer and won first prize in the Gurning competition at the same time!'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"I just want you to know that promotion, this office, and those Luna bars were mine!"

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

The rocket powered skiier

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

Ratminton

'You must be fast, agile and unflappable! Having fun just got serious ponies....welcome to gymkhana!

The First Annual Game Show Week.

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Eat my dust!"

The Alpha Seltzer

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

'I'm not quitting! Who knows if i'll ever get another chance to break a hundred!'

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Our job will be to drag the competition down to our level.'

Danger Slow Sand.

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Trojan Hurdler.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"I hope I get rock and you get scissors, or I get scissors and you get paper, or I get paper and you get rock."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

Hockey Season.

'You should have taken up the game earlier.'