Comedically Athletic Gifts

'The ligaments in both legs are torn to shreds. However, the drumsticks, thighs, wings and breasts should still be fine... either baked or fried.'

"To be or not to be."

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Golf Hole at bottom of lake.

Men playing water football in barrels on a lake

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

'Wow! That yogapilates has really paid off!'

"Any qualifications other than speaking the language."

'We're looking with someone with balls...not an enlarged prostate.'

"What fly?"

"Listen, I've had 25 fights and won all but 24 of them."

'Look, another Now Available store is opening! Maybe yo could get a job there. They seem to be opening stores all over town!'

As the years passed, Grandpa became more absent minded...

Jeff was watching his weight.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

Clown Firing Squad.

'Oh george dear, the landlord has raised the rent!' 'Has he? I can't!'

"Well which do you think is more likely, your pillow is growing hair or you're losing yours?"

'That's the last time I ask Janice to book the stripper for the office party.'

'You're the one who called for a locksmith?'

'Achoo! I can't believe I'm allergic to sand. I bet this doesn't end well...'

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

Pinocchio on a date: "Before this goes any further, you should know that I've got fungal rot."

'Aaaaaah! Kenny's fallen in! Don't make eye contact! Play dead, Kenny! Play dead!'

'Dr Phil sez, if I'm gittin' the milk for free, I should do the right thing and marry her!'

Javelin

"Four out of five doctors recommend that you get up and get some exercise."

Man falling off bike at finish line.

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'