Competitive Humor Pillows

Marital Tally: Arguments Won

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"If they want a snowball fight, then I'll give them one."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Danth battle?

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Al's Diner. Special: Spaghetti. All You Can Eat $3.95. Ernie, don't play with your food unless you're sure you can win.

The Cricketer and the Golfer

"Looks like somebody brought a blanky to a pillow fight."

Pole jumper about to land on a giant whoopi cushion.

"She's about to get him on the rebound."

Loser's Podium.

Corporate Lawyers

Ref shows footballer green card.

'And it looks like the refs are going to call a hard fowl.'

Skateboard Olympics.

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

A Man mixing up his sports.

Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can reach a higher plane of consciousness than your dad!

"Wow, 27, not bad! Me, I've ruined 53 surfing competitions..."

You Don't Know What It's Like

"Better - but it was still too obvious when you went for the pine tar under your hat."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Racing - No. II - IV

Shows Bundt

'Oh, yeah? Well, my dad can pretend to beat up your dad!'

'I've got a good idea to improve the team.'

Later accounts would call it the Greatest Water Battle of All Time,

'I like that guy. He gets a splitting headache, but instead of quitting, he calls time out, the athletic trainer tapes him up, and he gets right back in the game.'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

'I went for a walk this morning...' - 'I ran 20 miles... uphill.' - '...and I had bran flakes for breakfast.' - 'Yeah, well I ate 19 sausages, 3 melons, and a horse.' - 'I'm going for a pee.' - 'I swear I could flood this place!!'

'So then the linebacker yells back at this guy: 'Oh yeah? Well, next play, I'm gonna cram the ball...' Wait! I got it.'

'Tough luck Warren, but it was always going to be hard to get a strike.'

'But I digress.'

Dragon brought on as substitute