Competitive Jokester Pillows

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

The first transatlantic communication.

'Tax man practical joker sticks sign on colleague's back which reads; Tax me.'

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

"You idiots … we lost!"

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Interrupted Shower.

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'