Creative Jokester Pillows

"You don't have a creative bone in your body. I cut it out while you were sleeping."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Artist Painting his Television.

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Broad Minded

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Interrupted Shower.

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."