Comedy Competitor Pillows

'After this event, I want him tested. Blood, urine, DNA - the works. Look for anything unusual.'

'Play it again, Sam.'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Still, you've got to admit our being swallowed by a fish has its humorous aspects!"

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

Donald Glover

Loser's Podium.

'Make no mistake Wetherall, it's a jungle out there.'

'You daft cow...I said I needed some company and was out for a duck!'

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

Skateboard Olympics.

Marmalade the Cheetah on stilts.

'It's OK, being completely egocentric is perfectly normal for someone your age.'

Tug the Toggle

'This information is on a need-to-screw-others basis.'

'And the gold medal goes to...'

'Listen, I know that nose was what made me famous, but it also led to me being typecast. I'm hoping this change helps me get more diverse roles.'

Just a month into their divorce, Joyce began to sense that she and Ron were subtly competing for their kids' affection.

"Why do you keep saying MY pride is going to get the best of me?"

On the start position

Javelin

Golden Egg.

'I'm taking you off the javelin - you throw it way too high!'

'It's worse than Jehovah's Witnesses - it's your mother and your mother's mother !!'

The Pole Jumper.

"I didn't want to tell you like this, but I'm going solo..."

Golden Village: Lawn Mowing Races

"What? You got something funny to say?"

Apples and Oranges Shoot-Out

I think it's time, sweetheart. Definitely time, Pookie. Contest time. We want to rename Rudy's generation. Generation I - for impatient? Generation V - for virtual or vapid?! Send your suggestions to asksadieshow@gmail.com. (Winners will receive nothing but lots of it!)

Maybe we should do a big check next time. Sweepstak … 5 five.

"We've really come up with something, but nine other labs also came up with it this week."

'You've hit the bull.'

'Oh yeah? Well my dad bailed out your dad.'

'Someday I will beat you in a staring contest.'