Comedic Perspective Lover Gifts

Eye of Providence in a bank's security cameras.

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

When psychiatry works too well!

'I'm bored with looking at people's feet all day!'

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Sorry I'm late: I was hitching a ride but when the driver noticed me, he panicked and we had an accident..."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

'OK, pal, you've called me a little shrimp for the last time - let's see what you're made of!'

Eskimo in Igloo

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

"I'm alright, it's my hair...I need more hairspray."

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'

"Also, this apartment comes with easy access to the stray cats in the alley."

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.