Comedic Commentary Lover Gifts

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

'Just sitting around letting advertisers brainwash me. What about you?'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"I can check again, but Mr. Saunders usually insists on the full wait."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

"Sales rep from Milton Keynes? You prove he no British spymaster who sent you on secret mission to Bananastan?"

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

Fisherman Funneral

"I understand she's marrying him for his condominium in Fort Lauderdale."

LARGE FRONT

Look at all our kids' clothing! Sneakers made in Vietnam. Pants from China. Sweaters from Thailand. Sports gear from Macau! They don't need so much stuff!! One obvious rule will stop all this consumerism. Good idea! Kids! From now on

MPs opt for longer surgery opening hours: Gp's have to be available when the public needs them... We won't be able to look at it until after the six week Christmas break!

"You can't beat Channel 5's sport coverage."

"Connect the dots"

'Elections are easier to understand if you think of them as performance art.'

Government a la Carte

Unhappy Cows from neighboring states visit California.

"We haven't been married long enough for you to reprimand my dog."

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

'And, if elected, I promise to reach across the aisle, if you know what I mean...'

"Of course, at present Mademoiselle's neck is too long, but our Mr. Francis is going to change all that."

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.

'Listen up, folks! The President is feeling a lot of pain today, so please put a little extra into your groveling!'

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

"He won't get far without this!"

'The tracks are getting fresher. He's close by.'

"Of course it's a bad report. I have your genes to contend with!"

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

How much money do you want? How much have you got?