Comedic Psychology Lover Gifts

"When you lie about yourself, is it to appear closer to or farther away from the middle of the bell curve?"

Biofelineism

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"I know. But I think I can change him."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

Genetic Fingerprinting.

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"I can't believe I'm paying $5,000 a month for you to stream Intro to Psychology when I get all of TV for $15.99."

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"It all began when I was a boy. The aroma of freshly baked bread was everywhere, choking me with it's calm, soothing and nutritious lies..."

Monkey Business College

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"If Einstein is correct, when we get back, my car will have been double parked for 320 years."

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Tree growing

So the short answer is no; these aren't billable hours.

"What if we don't like their country personas?"

"I expected to see some politicians in there!"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'