Comedic Flair Lover Gifts

'NONE SHALL PASS! Except that little splash...that doesn't really count!'

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

I like this one. Do you have it in blue?

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The back flip was a nice touch."

"You're right...it's football strategy! I think I presented our financial proposal to the youth team I coach! I must get more sleep!"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

"For me it's all about the craft of acting."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

'I don't mind you buying the camouflage suit at the mall, but did you have to wear it home.?

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

'I didn't recognize your old boyfriend at first. He's got a new car.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'Look, Mom. I'm belly dancing.'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'Well, I don't happen to believe you went there.'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

"I'm just doing this until I can break into accounting."

Eskimo in Igloo

"When he thinks back about this years from now, he'll only remember the good probes."

'He can do 'roll over' and 'beg,' but he does 'sit' best.'

Remain calm. Don't say anything stupid. Show her that you've grown, that you're not crazy, impulsive love-struck weirdo. Nice to see you, Darlene. You're looking well. And nice to see you, Rudy. Marry me and have my babies.

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

Lone traveller is befriended by tourist from hell.