Comedic Enthusiast Gifts

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

So on a scale of one to ten, how's I do? Can I use Fractions?

Travel Section: Plan your getaway.

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"You heading south again this summer?"

Eskimo in Igloo

"I've got the whole night on GoPro in case we want to relive the excitement later."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"I guess you heard the air quality warnings?"

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

"You know how women are always complaining that they don't have anything to wear...well, in this case it's true."

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Well, I thought you could practice talking to Estella."

"Joe's trying to get around the smoking ban."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"Baldo, this is Humberto...he moved to the United States last month?"

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

"Pick any number between one and sixty seconds."

'No, but if someone does turn in your mojo...'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

'We're looking for somewhere with some character and class... somewhere like Barnsley.'

'He doesn't like to be called an Optometrist. He prefers the title 'Visionary'!'

'This is what happens when you try to blow out that many candles.'

'It's not true, Satchel!'

Firehouse restrooms...

"I'd like to buy you flowers. Can I borrow your credit card?"

Hmmm, this reminds me...your mother called last night.

'No, the fancy dress party is next door.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Grandma scaring mugger away

'...and finally I'd just like to thank my plastic surgeon for giving me these puppies.'