Comedic Literature Fan Gifts

'Recommended reading' selection of books e.g.'Team spirit, by Geoffrey Boycott'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

Trumpeter swan meets trombone swan.

'A is for Arse.'

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Examination.

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

"Really Mum? Natural selection gave us short arms to stop us from picking our noses?"

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

2 mummies...

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

The other day during the zombie apocalypse

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

'You Have a food allergy. Even worse it's to 'O' type!'

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

Ambrose's - for sale. Wonderful opportunity for a man named Ambrose.

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

'Oh... I was supposed to swallow the pill?!'

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'