Comedic Reader Gifts

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

'A is for Arse.'

"While we wait for the jury to deliberate, I thought you could use a little light reading."

Deep-fried Chicken for the Soul

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"You've reached Randy, the Dating Doctor. What ails you?...."

'Well, how many pints do you weigh?'

Burgers. Onion Rings. Pizza. I eat lost of fast food, I guess that explains why they say "haste makes waist."

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

Meat the Author.

Examination.

Snake charmer puppet.

"I bought this toaster yesterday and it's broken already! it's a disgrace...I only hit my husband with it four times!"

The Three Stooges Pop-Up Book

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

"Yes, I tried tapping on the glass."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Ernestine is trying to get St. Patrick to change his mind."

'HA Ha! One good idea doesn't make a genius!'

The Salmon Run

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

X-ray Psychology.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

Fish snorkling above water.

Crew Goofs Off While Out Of Sight

wattle covers

Muhammad Ali publishes a popup book.