Comedic Contrast Seeker Gifts

'The new recruits don't seem to have the same gravitas for the calling.'

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Pessimists v Optimists.

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'Pay no attention to him. He's just a disgruntled former employee.'

When psychiatry works too well!

A man walking a bowling ball is about to walk into a woman walking a bunch of bowling pins

"Call me a hopeless romantic, but I assumed he was just inviting me."

How cats see their home

"When I said the surgery was minimally invasive I wasn't talking about your finances."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"Is there anybody there?"

The Hole that Divides

Dog on skates.

"Did you watch the super bowl?"

'You have a comfortable home, three beautiful children, a husband who is devoted to you - what could you possibly want with nuclear capability?'

"I like to be disciplined about my writing, sharpening my pencils and organising my desk in the morning which leaves me time for writers block after lunch and a nervous breakdown in the evening."

"This model comes loaded with options, including a parking space in your neighborhood."

"Wrong hole!"

"Now I'll read a selection from the book I have chosen. Sift a quarter cup of flour into a bowl. . ."

Tip jar at boxing match.

"I'm trying to find the end of this roll of tape ..."

"Worst opening act ever. Did you know what a vuvuzela is?" "What?"

"I'm alright, it's my hair...I need more hairspray."

Wrong Side of the equator.

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

'Do you have something in mind?'

Workers in Hazmat suits make sweets

"....But....flu season's over."

Wanna step outside and say that?! Don't beat yourself up. At least not until you've put something on.

'Uhh, maybe you should just play flute, Bob.'

'All I see is red ink!'

'Calm down Harold, it's just a phase some teens go through. He just shaved his coloured feathers off to express his feminine side!'

'He's fine, fine, just recovering from a knockabout game of Ludo.'