Comedic Contrast Admirer Gifts

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

"Any big plans for your birthday?"

"Big n' tall" "Small n' long"

"Why does this curious plant of his always make me feel gigantic?"

Pessimists v Optimists.

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

"We have a favor to ask."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

Waiting for the end of the acid-rain delay at the ballpark in the year 2258...

The Formal Street Artist

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

Three tailors block the street, forcing a passerby into their shop.

Closet.

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"This coffee seems a little staler every morning, Edwina!"

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

The End is Near. Have A Cone.

"Is there anybody there?"

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

'Gentlemen, it's time to face the truth - we have absolutely no idea what we're supposed to do'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

"This ain't no trick or treat, mister, this is a stick-up! Give me your cash, credit cards, jewelry...and that candy bar!"

101 uses of a dead cat: weights

The Badlands! A dry and deserted landscape where deadly rattlesnakes and packs of sharp-toothes coyotes roam the night looking for prey. And also, Fifi.

"I'm under a restraining order."

Castle with parking lot.

A truck full of radioactive waste with no particular place to go...

Food Fight At The O.K. Buffet.

Writing about scientific progress in 1675, Isaac Newton said " If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants." This metaphor is now commonly used to make the point that scientific advances are made using a foundation built by the work of those who came before. That Newton guy was right, you can see further when you're on the shoulders of Giants. I just wonder if he was talking about the players from the football Giants or the baseball Giants. Ernie is a much bigger fan

'I have a very neat desk but a very messy computer desktop.'

'Are we expecting a fleet of super-size handcarts?'

"I know I encourage employees to take initiative, Tom... but I think you should change that back!"

Dracula uses a borrowed coffin.