Comedic Critique Admirer Gifts

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Pop up begger.

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

" 'How I Spent My Sabbatical,' by Professor Harvey Brinkman."

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'We were playing Twister at a party. . . there was a loud popping noise.'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

Safety Pin

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'