Comedic Critique Fan Gifts

LARGE FRONT

'I'm a genetically modified fish aimed at the environmentalist market.'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

"It's not just me, Dad. Amazon.com has never made a cent, either."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

Pop up begger.

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Boris Johnson lies his way out of trouble

Animal Olympics: 'What do you say next year we have some non-cheetah races?'

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Do I take it that we can't be guaranteed your vote in the forthcoming election?"

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.

'I'm all talked out. Let's look into some gene therapy.'

"How dare you not salute the goddess? You'll burn at the stake for this, damn heretic!"

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

'It just seem excessive, somehow -- buying a big-screen, high-definition TV to watch Geraldo with.'

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

"That's the plus of our lifestyle: The trophy hunters just look at us, sigh and move on..."

"Good Dad, Bad Dad"

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

Safety Pin

Scuba Skater

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."