Comedic Critic Gifts

'The pandemic is here!!!'

"There you go...I'll have the paramedics on standby...."

"You read the exit sign. The eye chart is behind you."

Wet Behind the Ears. . .

Safety Pin

London Congestion & Polution Zone - 'What's your problem? I thought Boris was in charge now.'

"Mike, I wish you wouldn't bash your wingtips together when you fly, it's really embarrassing."

"This is not the sleeping beauty I paid good money to see!"

'Why can't somebody do something about high gas prices and the health care crisis!?'

What if Congress designed rocking chairs?"

Robot Bores

"I see you finally found a non-union hauler for our freight."

'Gee! I liked Muazk better than this laugh track!'

Cold-calls.

'Why do I need to DVR this show when they play it over and over again?'

'Its the pill you have when you haven't had your pill.'

'In business news, Disney stock was up after their successful buyout of this station.'

'She's calling him names I never heard before!'

Burglars notice.

Cuba Taxi driver fined for price increases

'On our next 'Survivor' series, 10 contestants will undergo grillings by Senate Committees...'

Lovely Hallow Senior Retirement Community

"DOWNHILL skiing, not uphill skiing. The clue's in the name."

Trump Tax Cut

"I'm sorry Gerald but I find someone twice as good as you for half the price on Amazon."

"This is the living room with my husband - who is a fixture and fitting - no no, just joking. Though, on the other hand. . ."

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"Excuse me - could you tell me which recession we are in at the moment?"

Queue at Heaven's Gate for 'External Rewards'.

"The government wants all schools run like businesses, Timmy, so you're fired."

"Your honor. I have just three questions for Ms. Fairy about her scam. One. Why just baby teeth? Why not dentures?...."

New Corona Rules

"Stupid males! They're really keen to fight at mating season, but they're the first to flee when the predators attack..."