Cultural Discussions Gifts

"Did I say Henny Youngmen? I meant to say Sergei Prokofiev."

'It's been a few hundred years, gentlemen... I think it's finally time to admit that forks are better.'

"I wonder if we're talking about the same Grace Jones."

"So … Rachel tells me you're Canadian …"

"This will nver work, David. Your family is significantly less non-obvervant than mine."

Given enough time, audiences know what to expect, Rosencrantz. And with expectation comes acceptance. Give them crudty, and that is what they will accept. Give them erudition, and they will rise to accept that. Feed them a diet of lies, and they will learn to crave them. I still would prefer to eat my sandwiches before you've chewed them. Give it time.

'Forget about the birds and the bees. Tell me about new names for the Washington Redskins.'

"So, it's cultural miss-appropriation, is it?"

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

"Now that was post-modern sex."

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

"Agenda item 14 C, does anyone have any idea what happened in Game of Thrones?"

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

'Even if you do, never admit that you know everything.'

"Nonsense - we're far less religious than you are."

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.

Professional Couples

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"What if there were no hypothetical questions?"

"My novel? I've put it on hold. I'm writing my response in case I get asked to do on eof those 'How I write' columns..."

What can I get you? I'll have a mocha, a scone, and an explanation of Beyonce's "Formation" video. Ok. Would you like that for here or to go? Here would be good. Ok. Last month, Beyonce released a music video that expressed pride in her black heritage. Pride in black culture, pride in black physical features, pride even in the Black Panther movement. The reason this is ok is, for centuries, mainstream culture has been telling black people to be ashamed of all that. They've been told to straighte

Parallel Universe Committee - Meeting Today!

Tonight: Lecture on 4th Dimensional Physics and Ontological Topology. Buy Tickets Here. Sorry, fellas, but I'm going to have to see some IQ.

Academics At the Beach

Truth or dare at the philosophy dept.'s lounge

"Well, I'm offended!"

'Oh yeah? -- Well, I have a theory about you!'

Deepwater Fish

Planck's Constant Nagging.

"Mother, I'm so sorry — I totally forgot to bring you."

"OK...is this character insulting?"

'Too much genetic generalization trooper are they Sioux, Black Feet or Cheyenne you don't like when they call 'white eyes' or pale face do you?'

'What do you know about culture?'