Creative Conversationalists Gifts

"I understand it all started when he ordered extra toppings on a pizza."

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

'Yak, yak, yak.'

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Mobile Phones, "Now we are together we will proceed to the business of the day."

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

No, no, don't tell me … you lost weight? You cut your hair? Wait, did you used to wear glasses?

"It was a slow day - my pedometer says I only put in 1, 273, 426 steps."

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'

'It wasn't so much a hostile takeover as it was a best 2 out of 3 pillow fight.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Person talks on phone as other blogs.

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

A lesson in wit

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'

'The secret is to invite good talkers and good listeners and a good laugh track.'

'But enough about me...Let's talk about you!'

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

'Back in 1956 you were the youngest Briton to cover the Hungarian uprising. You are presently writing your memoirs in Sardinia. First question: how do you feel about the sorry state the London Underground is in?'