Creative Conversationalist Gifts

Books 'n' Coffee

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

'Which choo-choo train is appropriate?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The writer: something who devotes a lifetime of solitude to the same of communication.

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"I disagree — I think humans are funny."

'Yak, yak, yak.'

Direct Marketing...

I'm not sure which, but he's just invented either writing or vandalism. (Published originally on Feb. 11, 2011.)

Target your message

"Oui, c'est bon. It is, how you Americans say, 'Magically Delicious'."

"Do you mind if I bounce something off you?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"Mom, come quick. Dad's in a stupor."

Wordplay: Export.

'I sort of thought your presentation was going to be in powerpoint.'

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

Philosopher's pub with 24 hour thinking.

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"I think I know what your problem is. Not enough PR."

"Every single day, guys ask you for advice about women, work, sports... Haven't you ever even heard of the law of supply and demand?. . .I'd be glad to steer the downtrodden and the forlorn your way for a mere 82% of the man-to-man-talk fee."

"I don't mind emotional trauma if I can turn it into a really funny anecdote."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"See! Thousands of new listeners."

"Have you ever actually seen a chicken cross the road?"

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

A lesson in wit

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'