Crafty Conversationalist Gifts

The Ly'in Starts Here.

"As kindergarten taught me, a liberal application of glitter can hide a host of flaws."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

Jokes machine.

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'