Crafty Conversationalist Pillows

The Ly'in Starts Here.

"As kindergarten taught me, a liberal application of glitter can hide a host of flaws."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Crow and fox

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Jokes machine.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

The Algonquin Round Table