Artsy Conversationalist Pillows

"I would've started my novel by now, but I've been to busy suffering!"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"I've learned to give up when I hear Brooklyn in your voice."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious day when you're ripe and not yet mealy?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Hi, I work at the admissions office of the local university. If you could change the world in three days, what would you do?

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

"Hey, do you want to be in my bubble?"

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Develop your social skills. Share information about yourself so people will want to talk to you." "I like to dissect animals."