Humorous Conversationalist Pillows

"In today's global economy...maybe you should learn to speak-a-lay la Espanola."

"I'm using my married name right now, but I'm keeping my maiden name on ice, just in case."

"All the good ones are neutered."

"It's a lovingly handcrafted beer, citra and summit hopped, with notes of lime, passion fruit and ...."

PSA Banter.

Why we need poetry. . .

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'I understand you know how to treat a woman.'

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

"Oh Gregori! You tell such funny stories!"

Jokes machine.

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

The Algonquin Round Table

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Bat out of Hell

'Fancy a good time - no strings attached?'

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'