Comic Conversationalist Pillows

"Idea?" "No. Just a light bulb."

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

Crow and fox

"Darling, do you ever worry that we're becoming some sort of Merchant-Ivory production?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

"Are we ‘still working’? No, we’re still eating. You, however, are ‘still working’—now get lost!"

'Casual Friday's never caught on in this department.'

Jokes machine.

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

The Algonquin Round Table

"You sure are ringin' my bell, Baby!"

Bat out of Hell

"So, what is your star sign?"

"Virginia Woolf meets 'Car Talk.'"

'The bar association barred me from going before the bar...So I came to a bar.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

"Tell her I'm exercising my twenty-first amendment rights."

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Try the fish. It's brain food"

'My favorite position? Chairperson of the Board.'

"I don't think you can claim that Martin Amis plaguerised your work just because you both used the words 'to','if' and 'but' on page 46."

"When we talked on the phone I never said that I was a non-drinking man! I said a one-drink man!"

'Would you say this glass is half empty or half full?'

"Mr. Peanut is my dad—you can call me Rick."

"I can't live without you in my life, but I can live without you in my way.''

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

"Must you always be so anthropomorphic?"